grandma

All this week you were on my mind.  I kept telling myself "you need to call your granny".  Kept saying "I'll do it today...on my lunch break".  Said it even yesterday.  I never did.  And now, I never will.

You are strong.  You are complicated.  You were fierce before anyone knew what it meant.  And you are my last....were my last GRAND-parent on this side.  Everyone always said I look just like you.  Loved the pic of you and grandpa in the "Cotton Club" days....sharp as ever.  Young and vibrant.  Years ahead of you.  Hard years. 

I remember the visits when it was just you and I....lounging in our jammies all day...talking and eating and laughing and fussing.  I remember you visiting me in college.  Still got one or two of those towels you bought ...and the small Native American purse (that's seen better days)....and the nail kit....and the....memories.  I remember when I finally got to hear you sing.  Remember the surprise solo in church....the operatic voice that came out of you!  I was shocked.  You had told me over and over again the stories, the regrets, the missed chances of your younger days, usually due to some "evil" person that was holding you back.  Maybe I didn't think they were true.  I remember out of all the rooms and beds in your house, I always wanted to sleep with you.  And we would talk way past our bedtime.  And I felt safe.

I'll miss your laugh.  The way you held out your few choice cuss words (Shiiiiiitttttttt). I smile.  Even as the tears come and the regret for missing that one last opportunity to say "I love you Grandma"...and to actually hear you say it back.  I will never forget our days.  I am grateful that I had you to myself..a lot back then.  But now,  I can force myself to be happy that you no longer suffer under doctors practicing, probing machines....and a body that just couldn't hold you anymore.

I love you deeply.  You are free.

bite of the day ~ NEVER ignore that small still inner voice.  God may be giving you a chance that will only come once.

thirtiesgirl