December 17, 2013

That Type of Girl...

You see him.  He sees you.  There's something different...electric in the air.  You connect.  You're feelin' him.  He's feelin' you.  The connection is interesting, heartbeat a laid back comfy kind of way.  It comes out pretty early what type of girl you are...that waiting type.  That drawers up-skirts down-take her home to mama-ain't no play thing-type.  A cool breeze blows through suddenly.  And slowly but surely, fadeeeeeee to black.....once again.

"Babes...I couldn't live up to your standards!"

I was in college when my father spoke these words to me.  I had just, through a waterfall of tears, shared with him how increasingly difficult it was becoming to hold on to my virginity while dating my then boyfriend who I was crazy/mad/stupid in love with.  I was complaining about the pressure that not only my own curiosity and love was applying to my vow...but the pressure he was applying as well.  Intense. At the time, being in typical man mode himself, my father didn't want me to disrupt my good relationship in this fit of emotion when my man was just "being normal".  

Fast forward quite a few years and I find myself in single again mode after an unraveled marriage...and fighting to hold on to the goodies once again.  A conversation with a good guy friend of mine earlier today reminded me of why I was not too happy to be "un-settled".  Weeding through the toads.  Sigh.  Ok...well, maybe some of them are not toads. Nevertheless, those "standards" that my father referred to long ago are still in FULL effect.  And SOME guys...most that I've run into thus far have an even lower tolerance for said standards than they did 10 years ago.  Namely because we are even deeper in the age of aggressive women who chase men....especially those that have even a little bit going for themselves....these females are willing to drop the panties on command.  And the brothers KNOW IT.  It takes a...certain type of man to be celibate and hold on to HIS goodies in today's society.  But that's exactly the type of man who would SEE a woman like me and not feel...challenged....but GRATEFUL. 

"Continue to be who you are.  Dudes run because they ain't getting the cookie til marriage.  Men wanna test drive." 

....said my good guy the same breath he admitted not knowing really any single guys (outside of his Mosque) that even claimed to be celibate.

I am a strong girl...but sometimes I feel alien chillin' on a planet all by myself...waiting for my equal to finally land in my world.  Selah.

bite of the day ~ It takes courage to be different.  It takes perseverance to stick with your own convictions...even when it looks like it's getting you no where fast.  Hold on.  The sun will rise again....just for you.