July 18, 2013

I'm starting to relate to Michael Jackson...

Tossing.  Turning.  Dragging to the porcelain throne at 3am...on a week night.  Lying awake in the dark staring at the ceiling...praying for SLEEP.  This has been my existence for a good minute now.  And it's really starting to take a toll.  

At first it was due to my lovely neighbors screaming and fighting in the middle of the night...or blasting R. Kelly's "Down Low"....obviously to send an indirect message to the other.  I'm just waiting for one of them to play TLC's "Creep" or that old O'Jays cut "...your body's here with me, but your mind is on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWNNNN...".  Sigh.

Actually, since I put in an official complaint (...this ain't that type of neighborhood...and I pay too much to be living the "ghetto life"...do somethin'.), they've actually been pretty good.  

NOW what's the problem!?!  

With no one to blame, I have no choice but to deal with my insides....cause obviously I'm a disturbed individual right now.  I believe my issue is the issue of so many thirtiesgirls....and guys.  THE WORLD is in my head...and it doesn't slow down when I do.  I literally feel schizophrenic at times...trying to run my life which FEELS more complicated than it probably is AND run the world too.  I got so many dreams and visions and ideas and IDEALS....on top of that, I have an ultra sensitive soul.  Which is why I can't watch the news too much.  I don't just see headlines.  I see PEOPLE.  And I feel that junk in my core.  THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME.  And don't get me started on my family.  Their issues are my issues...unbeknownst to them.  For example, if someone is lacking something, it's a problem for me.  Why?  Subconsciously, I feel a number of things...1) guilt because I'm NOT lacking that particular thing. 2) irritation because most likely it's their own fault due to their own choices that they are lacking said thing 3) inadequacy because in my core I want to FIX EVERYTHING and make it better...easier.  I'm Superwoman...didn't you know?

And it's not that I don't know what to do.  I believe and know The Word, Father God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I know how to pray...and I do.  What I haven't mastered is staying in my lane....and allowing God to do what He does.  I'm frantic cause I've been trying to do His job.  Running my life ain't my business.  Walking out the life HE runs is my business.  And news flash!  I am not Superwoman.  Somehow I keep forgetting this....

bite of the day ~ He never sleeps nor slumbers cause He's putting the pieces together...even if the finished puzzle is still a mystery to us.  This means WE CAN SLEEP...with no worries. Selah.