August 29, 2009

bit-size pieces

The day before my birthday, I stared at my frame in the mirror in front of me and my reflection in the full length in back (Ugh!?! Whose butt is that???), and thought, " are almost 35 years old." My God! That's 3 1/2 decades....5 years from 40...2 years more than Jesus walked the earth!?! Fact of the matter is, I don't feel 30 anything inside...whatever that means. Yeah, my shape is fuller...I'm taller...I'm wiser (I hope! lol!)....but the reality is I still feel like that same 11-year-old girl humpin' it up that hot Texas hill to school, another day of struggling through a Rudyard Kipling poem awaiting me. That girl who was always standing in the crowd, but never a part of it. Different. Misunderstood? That's how I felt inside...always. Now instead of a classroom filled with kids I mostly can't relate's a corporate office. Always in but mainly not of. Sixth grade is when I finally accepted this one fact of my life: IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT. ACTUALLY, IT'S AWESOME! Standing outside of the "like everyone else" box gives me more room to be uniquely who God created me to be. I've found over the years that I attract other "different" somebodies....outcasts who turned into genuine, many times, lifelong friends. Now, I was probably an outcast mainly because I acted my age and simply wanted to "do good". Whatever that meant, I aspired to achieve it. Being different now has translated into marching to my own beat. I don't need an entourage, posse or clique. If I want to eat lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon and the rest of my department goes together at 11:30 in the morning...I feel no pressure to change anything to be APART of the group. No matter the pressures of society, especially these days, I don't have to be a traditional daughter, wife, sister or woman. I don't have to follow the popular politics or be politically correct. I just have to be genuinely the me God made. Before my revelation in 6th grade, HA!!!

Since I turned 35, I've realized that I am a GirlnWoman. Experiences, both hellified and heavenly, separates me from my 11-year-old self, nonetheless....I am her. The girl still humping it up the hill of in bite-size pieces. Still searching for that balanced level ground.

bite of the day ~ embrace the lessons learned by your younger self & use them to help propel you up each hill of life.