The day before my birthday, I stared at my frame in the mirror in front of me and my reflection in the full length in back (Ugh!?! Whose butt is that???), and thought, "Girl...you are almost 35 years old." My God! That's 3 1/2 decades....5 years from 40...2 years more than Jesus walked the earth!?! Fact of the matter is, I don't feel 30 anything inside...whatever that means. Yeah, my shape is fuller...I'm taller...I'm wiser (I hope! lol!)....but the reality is I still feel like that same 11-year-old girl humpin' it up that hot Texas hill to school, another day of struggling through a Rudyard Kipling poem awaiting me. That girl who was always standing in the crowd, but never a part of it. Different. Misunderstood? That's how I felt inside...always. Now instead of a classroom filled with kids I mostly can't relate to...it's a corporate office. Always in but mainly not of. Sixth grade is when I finally accepted this one fact of my life: IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT. ACTUALLY, IT'S AWESOME! Standing outside of the "like everyone else" box gives me more room to be uniquely who God created me to be. I've found over the years that I attract other "different" somebodies....outcasts who turned into genuine, many times, lifelong friends. Now, I was probably an outcast mainly because I acted my age and simply wanted to "do good". Whatever that meant, I aspired to achieve it. Being different now has translated into marching to my own beat. I don't need an entourage, posse or clique. If I want to eat lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon and the rest of my department goes together at 11:30 in the morning...I feel no pressure to change anything to be APART of the group. No matter the pressures of society, especially these days, I don't have to be a traditional daughter, wife, sister or woman. I don't have to follow the popular politics or be politically correct. I just have to be genuinely the me God made. Before my revelation in 6th grade, HA!!!
Since I turned 35, I've realized that I am a GirlnWoman. Experiences, both hellified and heavenly, separates me from my 11-year-old self, nonetheless....I am her. The girl still humping it up the hill of life....living in bite-size pieces. Still searching for that balanced level ground.
bite of the day ~ embrace the lessons learned by your younger self & use them to help propel you up each hill of life.