I remember the first time my "lady parts" were ever touched by a man....well, a boy, actually. Sophomore in high school. Virgin...of the 5-year-old variety. Crowded hallway between classes. Star athlete walking my way. And BAM! Or more like 2 finger SWIPE right down the middle of my gina-girl. SHOCK. EMBARRASSMENT. Disgust. Little more shock. curiosity. hmmm.
Now I had confessed my undying love, loyalty and obedience to Jesus at about 7 years old. This included, as was burned into my soul at church, sexual purity or holding on to your "goodies" until marriage. So I committed myself to doing just that. In my effort to hold on to said goodies, I delved rather deeply into a fantasy world where I could literally do anything I wanted...without restriction. At the time, I had no idea about the power of thoughts....you know, the whole concept of "Free Your Mind and Yo A** Will Follow". You will go in the direction of your most dominant thought. As a man thinketh, so is he...etc etc etc.
Well, my mind was on SEX....which made my whole quest to retain my virginity that much more challenging. By the time I got to college and fell in love for the first time, curiosity was ready to kill "the cat". But my faith and my vow to God was much stronger (praise da lawd!) and by the time I walked down the aisle at the tender age of 28, I was still a virgin....not quite of the 5-year-old-variety anymore, mind you. I barely made it. BUT I made it. Whew. Needless to say, expectations for married life were in the stratosphere! Sweet FREEDOM! YAY. sigh.
Fast forward to my present state of single again, no longer a virgin of any variety...and in the healing state from heartbreak. It would be so darn easy to just go "get some". I have been tempted....many times in the past two years. Yes...it's been TWO YEARS...and I have my raging hormones moments quite often. Trust. But I realize I am, yet again, at a crossroads. I can dust off my hands and say "I'm done! I played the goody role all my life. I waited for marriage and the s**t didn't work. I still ended up divorced just like everybody else that's divorced. I'm done GOD! If I want to HAVE a man...I'm gonna have him."
Only problem is....while I'm having him, he's having ME. Sigh.
bite of the day ~ Problem with giving ME away....Sex Talk Part 2. :-)
thirtiesgirl
