January 11, 2010

confidence

When I was truly a "girl", I seriously lacked the above.  But only the most elite of my circle knew it.  I guess the "acting" began way back then.  Although I was really an opinionated, strong-willed person...if I was around someone i.e. the popular folks, who I felt was prettier, smarter or wiser than I, I would quietly fall to the side.  I was too strong to fall in line behind them or to follow the crowd....but too timid to challenge them either.

As I have matured, I've learned to stand up for myself and what I believe in...to be confident in the things I know and in who I am.  But to also know when I don't know enough.  Confidence coupled with wisdom to know when to speak up and when silence is the stronger position.  Now that I've joined the "other team", and I am seen as one of the confident ones...I still find myself acting at times.  Difference now is I'm EXPECTED to have the answers, to lead, to stand strong, to produce something...to create.  And it MUST be good, great, excellent.

There are those of us who put this pressure on ourselves and those of us who allow the pressure to be placed on us from the outside.  Comparing ourselves with ourselves.  Struggling to be the best, produce the best.  Struggling to show that YOU ARE SOMEBODY and that you deserve to be among the intelligencia, the beautiful, the creatively perfect....the elite.  Struggling with the inner demons of defeat, self-doubt...and not good-enough-ness.  Self-sabotage it is to struggle.

For you see, you already are somebody.....you are already the best...you already possess the Good-Enough-Ness.  This is for me and mine...and for you and yours.

bite of the day ~ Let the struggle end. 

thirtiesgirl