good hair

Ever since love and I went to see Chris Rock's documentary on black hair this past weekend, I have been ultra sensitive to the subject.  Not in a defensive way, but I'm very aware of my surroundings.  I'm already naturally analytical, so the film just kicked me into overdrive.  We stopped at the grocery store right after seeing it and we both were checking out heads.  "That's hers."  "Nah...that's a weave.  A bad one." "Is that Malaysian like Viviva Foxx wears?"  Of course WE don't know what Foxx wears but the dude with the flowing perm in the film seemed to be familiar with the details of her head.

The most disturbing scene was when Rock tried to sell "black" i.e. NAPPY hair to the very Asian shops that thrive in African-American communities.  NEWS FLASH!!!:  No one wanted the nappy hair.  Including the young black woman with the braided extensions that worked in one of the shops.  She actually looked like she was proud to "school" Chris on why the black hair was undesirable.

What I wished the film would have dealt a bit more with was the underlying psychological and spiritual reasons why Black women would pay boatloads of money that many of them don't have to attach someone elses hair to their head.  And why a good majority of black women, starting at a very early age, hate their own hair so much that they turn to extremely harmful and dangerous chemicals to straighten it...in the name of style and the big one...MANAGEABILITY.  But who defines what's stylish or manageable?

For the majority of my life, I was one of these women.  I never did the weave...except the piece I added to my fingerwaved jheri curl in the 11th grade for prom....but that's a whole other story. sigh.

It has been almost 2 years since I had a relaxer and I feel FREE!  I have FINALLY accepted my natural beauty.  I wanted to transition years ago, but I was still too concerned about what others would think.  Concerned that I wouldn't be "cute" anymore.  I wasn't ready.  When I finally was, people told me I was "brave".  Wow. 

I discovered my hair is as versatile as ever!  If I want to wear it bone straight, I still can.  If I want a fro, twists, waves...I can do anything! 

But still...I have to admit, on Monday morning (a wash n go afro day) when the construction guys, who usually vie for my attention just to get a flash of this big smile and a wave, COMPLETELY overlooked me for the weaved-up sista walking a few steps ahead of me, I felt a brief burn in my chest...mourning for my long relaxed locks and the attention they used to bring me.  And mine were "real".  This society is jacked...and it jacked me.  Sigh.

bite of the day ~ If you find your worth in anything that is not naturally you, take a peek inside and seek to rid yourself of the lies that challenge your value and unique beauty.  You are a Queen, not BECAUSE OF your hair but REGARDLESS of it. Selah.

thirtiesgirl