I have new neighbors. Baby Mama. Baby Daddy....+ the kids. Been together 13 years but they don't trust each other. Well, he doesn't trust her. I suspect because they both were in relationships already when they hooked up. She pursued him....and the rest is history. How do I know all this without having ever laid eyes on them?
The first time I was awakened BEFORE my alarm, I jolted up in bed, shocked at the rumbles from below. A screaming toddler, the roar of a couple other kids, a gruff sounding man dropping F bombs....and the stench of smoke invading my space. In the early hours of New Year's Day, I finally realized a good part of the rumblings weren't the kids at all. Thumps. Slams. Screaming. Yelling. A whole lot of Cussin'. Perhaps a shake, push...slap or two. The moment she screamed "STOPPPPP!!!!" at the top of her lungs after hours of arguing...mainly him screaming at her, I called 911.
"Not on my watch, homey. Ghetto niggaz."
Now I don't usually use the N word...but in some cases, I simply can't think of any other description. Don't condone it but it's truth. Working on that. Sigh.
It's been a minute since I've been a bonafide "WE" and quite honestly, I don't have a legit object of my affection at the moment to even fantasize about. Yes, on purpose. So I'm removed from the "passions" that can rage in a relationship...good and bad. After another weekend of fighting and another 911 call, I remembered. It's sad how one bad decision can have years of pain residuals.
This man who is raging was in a "cool" relationship before this, according to his rant. But then the chase started. The sex was hot, I'm sure. Exciting! Then she got pregnant. Baby Mama.
This leads me back to my comment in Part 2 about "the unworthys". Giving yourself to an unworthy WILL lead to pain, suffering & regret in one form or another. Of course, my personal belief is every person is unworthy of your sex if you are not married to them. I do understand that some people do not hold this view...so I'm going to break a few things down for you to ponder.
LESSONS ON UNWORTHYS: RED FLAGS
1. CHEATERS - If someone cheats WITH you, they will cheat ON you. You are not special. He/She didn't change the moment they met you....their "soul mate". And it's not rocket science. It's character. If you truly are their "soul mate", they will leave you alone until they are legitimately available to pursue a relationship with you. Otherwise, they are simply a cheater looking for the next...lay.
2. POTENTIAL BAD PARENTS - If you meet someone who is FINE and charismatic...he got MAD swag or she's so beautiful you can't stop looking at her BUT you wouldn't leave even your gold fish in their care....THEY ARE AN UNWORTHY! Don't have sex with someone who you would not want to have a child with. Cause news flash, you will be attached to that person in some form FOR LIFE through the child. Irresponsible, selfish, untrustworthy, immoral people make bad parents. They will take both you and that child through hell. Years of "soul clean-up" will follow and ain't nothing sexy about that.
3. DEPENDENTS - Ladies, if you meet a "great" guy who has a lot of "potential" BUT he currently cannot provide the basics of food, shelter and transportation for HIMSELF...oh and he's over 25 (but especially if he's over 30!)...immediately put him in "just a friend" zone and keep your legs closed. Matter of fact, keep your hands and lips to yourself too. BEWARE, these types of guys are usually very skilled sexually....the same way a woman uses her hot sex to get what she wants from a man (think they are called GOLD DIGGERS...duh), this great guy with the moves will become your dependent, not your "MAN". A MAN takes care of his woman. Not the other way around.
4. DAMAGED SOULS - You can't help what someone else did to you, especially as a child. But you can help what you do with what happened to you....and the choices you make in your life . If a person has been damaged out of no fault of their own, they need love. Problem is a lot of times, they don't love themselves...which leads to extremely poor life choices like ho-ing, drinking too much, drugs and other abusive behavior. The desire to comfort them through sex is normal...cause I believe God made sex as a comfort as well...in the right context. A husband can "hide himself" within his wife and find peace and rejuvenation. If a person is a damaged soul and IS NOT DOING ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT TO HEAL i.e. counselling, therapy etc....unfortunately this damaged soul will only damage you. In crisis moments, the sex can be off the charts....very intense because one is sexing with a purpose besides just pleasure. Unhealthy soul-ties and emotional dependency can result. Stagnant damaged souls will drag you down into the abyss. Legs closed. Pants up....and zipped.
bite of the day ~ Sex is a beautiful thing. But sex with an unworthy will quickly become unpretty. Wait for The Worthy...and you'll get to the beautiful place. I HAVE TO believe that. For me & for you. Selah.