February 13, 2014

What If...

The other day I ran into a family friend at an event.  A friend who I usually just joke and talk trash with when we are in each other's presence.  He told me he wanted to share something with me before we left.  Of course, after the event he tried.

 "I've always wanted to tell you...well, I've never gotten the chance to tell you...."

Before he could get it out, a group congregated around us and the moment passed.  We exchanged looks as I shrugged my shoulders.  "Just call me later." I mouthed.  A couple of days later, he did. 

The Words...specific, reflective, encouraging, extremely complimentary....and surprising, but in a beautiful way.  No ulterior motives he said, but have always wanted to tell me his thoughts...about me. Whether his last statement is true or not, his taking the time (and courage) to do something that I'm sure was uncomfortable for him touched me.

As an actor, an exercise I do in order to pull up different emotions is stand in the mirror and think about different "WHAT IF" scenarios.  If I must cry, all I have to do is think of something happening to anyone I love.  Sometimes, if I really need to go there, I purposely think of someone who is currently living, like my parents or siblings, dying.  I allow myself to believe that it's real.  That's enough to send me into a bonafide tizzy.

Lately, I've been applying this WHAT IF exercise to life in general.  WHAT IF this person who I am furious with at this moment suddenly croaked, how would I feel?  Would what they did to piss me off even matter anymore?  WHAT IF my mother, who works my nerve occasionally (and vice versa lol)...what if something happened to her...an accident, sickness or sudden death....would these small irritations matter in the least?  Would I be sure that she knew how I feel about her, how much she matters in my life?  I wouldn't be sure if I never expressed it.

I have in particular been using the WHAT IF when it comes to dealing with men these days.  I am very much a woman who believes that the man is supposed to pursue the woman..in fact, because of some past experiences, I'm now adamant about it. On top of that, I usually cover nerves & shyness with sass & a smart mouth. IJS.  To balance, I force myself to think...WHAT IF I never reach out to this man at those moments when I REALLY want to, simply because I'm tallying up who texted or called the other last.  WHAT IF something happens to him and I didn't take the opportunity out of fear of rejection or hurt or just issues..to let him know how awesome I think he is or that he simply puts a smile on my face?  

What if I go through this life without ever giving this gift that has been given to me over and over again to others?

bite of the day ~ Reach out to someone who you've never told (or who you don't tell often enough)...how special they are to you TODAY. With no expectations of their response.  A relative. A friend.  A prospective more-than-friend.  You don't know what it will do for them.  I know what it will do for you.  FREEDOM...and relief.  Selah.



  1. I like the idea of the"what if"... I occasionally get to do some counseling with client's and have the opportunity to have then act "as if". I like the what if in some ways because it challenges you to think past the present without worrying about the future. My heart was smiling for you as I read a couple of your blog entries ma'am. I'm so proud of and for you lady...

    1. Thanks ML! :-) We've come a long way since jr high. lol