I remember my father pulling me into the front room of my grandmother's house, after witnessing me letting my bonus younger sister boss me around, manipulate and control me...mainly because she had toys that I wanted to play with and I had...nothing. At least not there. "Don't EVER let anyone take advantage of you. Stand up for yourself." I burst into tears because I knew I was being punked and had done nothing about it. I was 5 and still feeling the fresh effects of my parents' divorce. From that day, those words were burned into my heart, my bones...down to the marrow. I developed a mindset that was quick on the trigger of defense if I even smelled someone trying to pull one on me...manipulate or control me. I am not saying this is a good thing...and I acknowledge my interpretation of my father's words may have gone a bit too far. But it is real...it is truth.
Because of this part of my personality, I have at times found myself on the wrong side of right...unbeknownst to me, of course. Opinionated. Aggressively opinionated. Willing to fight "to the death" for what I believe is right....right based on the information that I have at that moment. Problem is there have been plenty of times that I didn't have all the information...and I was in "fight to the death" mode (for example, defending my fav cousin against accusations that he went in the bathroom and looked at my friend while she was on the toilet i.e half-naked....long story. Sigh)....literally me and the accused on one side of the room...everyone else involved on the other side (outnumbering us)....and my mother in the middle with belt in hand ready to unleash the wrath, not because of the incident itself, but the LIE that followed. Lying is her pet-peeve. Sigh for me since I didn't know I was passionately defending a lie.
All that said, I learned a hard and valuable lesson after a few close calls where I put my foot in my mouth (and the accused let me...very willing to let me go down defending them on more than one occasion). The Lesson:
BE SLOW TO SPEAK...QUICK TO LISTEN. PERIOD.
Because I have a tendency to upchuck an unsolicited opinion/verdict, this has been a challenge to say the least. I am working diligently to do better. Which is why I have not chimed in on the Trayvon Martin tragedy. And it is a tragedy.
I have nephews around his age...have worked with youth over the years....his age. So it is especially heart-wrenching when a baby's life is snatched away...senselessly. Seemingly coldly. Gone too soon. Angry cries for justice. All things we normally say and feel when something horrible like this happens.
When I look at the photos that have been circulating around the net of Trayvon, I see a young innocent-looking boy. I honestly cannot see this child attacking a grown man as has been claimed.
HOWEVER...
I was NOT there. I didn't know Trayvon...and I don't know Zimmerman. A picture does not speak to the totality or temperament of a person in all truth. (I've seen folks in the height of misery pose for the camera in that moment, resulting in a very misleading picture of happiness and "I'm having the time of my life"-ness.) What I do know is this young man is dead and Zimmerman shot him. He has his version of the event. Unfortunately Trayvon is not here to tell his side of the story. I can imagine that he had no clue this encounter would end with his death. What happened in those moments before the shooting, it is all a bit hazy...the one eyewitness account I did hear kept saying that it was dark and he can't be sure about this and that. There are a lot of unanswered questions and loose strings.
Now that Zimmerman has officially been charged (took way too long if you ask me)...perhaps we will start to get to the bottom of what actually happened. Until then, I will just pray...pray for justice and healing. Nothing will bring Trayvon back. So what justice looks like...I honestly don't know. And I'm happy that I've finally gotten to the place that I can simply say "NO COMMENT....at this time".
bite of the day ~ Wisdom says gather, process....then speak....in EVERY situation. Lord help me.
thirtiesgirl
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