mai's happy time smoothie

Ok...so I've been finding all kinds of ways to lift my spirits lately...prayer, time with friends and family, movies, music and all sorts of artistic expression....but there are those times I just want to....eat.  I mean really...it's a problem.  I love food...always have.  So, in order for me to NOT become two tons of fun with the emotional eating...I decided to buy me a blender (finally...) and start whipping some stuff up. 

So here's my "secret" happy time smoothie recipe...tastes soooo good and it's healthy too!  What more could you possibly ask?  Here goes...and um, don't say I ain't never gave you anything. :-)

Put the ingredients in the Blender in this order:
1. Juice of 1 lime
2. Bananas (I like to slice em and freeze em by the 2s...and then let them thaw slightly when I'm ready)
3. 3-4 tablespoons of plain greek yogurt (nonfat or 2%)
4. frozen pineapple
5. 1 tablespoon of raw honey
6. 3 ice cubes
7. A dash of organic cinnamon (if you want an extra kick of spice)

BLEND!

bite of the day ~ you must drink this lusciousness from a too cute WINE GLASS (no plastic or plain stuff)....and dance around to Heavy D, Kid N Play or Big Daddy Kane.  It is a part of the "Happy Time" experience.  Just do it and Enjoy!



thirtiesgirl

why did I think I was exempt?

Thursday.

I'd been home long enough to go through my normal ritual of removing as many layers as I can...as quickly as I can without freezing...(thank God my place is pretty cozy).  I like to be free and would honestly walk around in public in panties alone (no thongs...and burn the bra!)  if I could get away with it...anyway.  I digress.  So I'm comfy...and warm...thanking God for the awesome parking space that I rarely get on the corner right by my place....when all of a sudden, I hear  a car alarm going off.  Just out of curiosity (and because I'm a good neighbor), I decide to peek out and make sure everything was cool.  Sigh.  It was my ride!  Lights flashing and the lights of the car in front of me were flashing too...the BMW in front of me.  Sigh again!  I threw on my jeans and snow boots in record time.  Didn't think to grab my phone, pad nor pen.  Just frantic me and my keys.  Thank God the little white man with the too minty breath (liquor camouflage alert!) had enough integrity to stop.  Gratefully, it wasn't too bad.  Mainly scrapes on the back side.  I would still be able to make the short road trip to Bloomington the next day to celebrate my cousin's birthday, as planned.

Saturday.

After having great conversation food and drink with my family, we decide to hop into my twin (born same year same month and extremely close) cousin's car and go back to my birthday cousin's suite to chill.  A cell phone rings.  The younger one is on the other end.  He's listening and looking at me.  Uh oh. 

"Somebody just hit your car".

It was parked on a WIDE residential street in front of my family's home when some drunk idiot turned the corner, almost ran into a tree...swung around...hit the FRONT of my ride...ran up on the lawn across the street and almost into the house, which surely would have killed the young one standing in the window frozen in front of headlights...then drove across two more lawns...and then sped away.  Hit and Run. Sigh. I was numb with disbelief.

 "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!" 

My vehicle hit TWO times within 3 days??? Nothing like this has EVER happened to me before.  I held it together until we got back to the suite, then the waterworks began.  Why me?  What have I done??  I haven't done anything to deserve this!?!  Overwhelmed.  That's the word.  It wasn't just Thursday or Saturday.  It was the previous TWO weeks of pressure and torment, being forced to lift my fists and attempt to fight my way out of a lonely damp dark corner..fight against love.  It was the last year and a half of living a life that I never saw coming.  It was the having to make a Plan B while already in it. Since, until that point, Plan A was the only one in existence...for me.  Sunday morning, my best friend called.  I told her about the accidents.  She said she'd dreamed about me all night.  Distress signals must have been going out....

Journal Excerpt:

"...at the end of the day, I'm finally getting it through my head....IN THIS LIFE STUFF HAPPENS!  God is with me through  it all.  Everything cannot and will not be prevented and I may get some scrapes bumps and bruises along the way...but I will emerge with no "structural" damage, just like my ride.  And when I get out of God's shop, I'll look and BE just like new.  Selah."

bite of the day ~ Just because you're special...don't mean you're special.  Stuff will happen to you, just like everybody else.  Trust God and you will be stronger...you'll be tougher...prepared for the next punch life throws.

 

thirtiesgirl

Just Whitney.

I was in the shower washing my hair...a more detailed task these days with my increasingly longer coils and curls...listening to Pandora...Erykah Badu's station....listening to Erykah when my cell rang, interrupting the song.  I like to play a guessing game when I miss a call....guess who it was....who I wish it was.  Will the two match?

My mother and I had an impromptu girls' sleepover that night, so of course I heard her cell phone ring right after my missed call.  I heard muffled sounds and "What!?!"....more muffled sounds.  Is that disappointment I hear?  Surprise?  Instantly my heart beat quickened.  Instantly it did.  My family has gone through so much tragedy in the last decade plus, that I subconsciously brace myself for the blows these days.  Before my mind could analyze what the muffled sounds meant, my mother stuck her head in the bathroom and said "Whitney Houston died."

Silence.  Oh no.  Confession: Slightly relieved.  It wasn't my great aunt or sibling or cousin or Daddy or...any relative.

But Whitney.  Hadn't seen it coming...just like with Don Cornelius...definitely didn't see that coming.  But Whitney? 

Confession:  Sad but....not surprised.  The struggle was just as legendary as The Voice.

But she's not just a voice.  Not just "the voice of a generation".  Not just a gift.

She was beauty and spunk and grace and grit and elegance and "hood" wrapped in a flawless caramel shell with long narrow legs, perfect white teeth....complemented by a full lip, the top of which would always sweat and quiver when she was reaching the mountaintop of a song.

She was who most of my generation mimicked during our 6th grade graduations...marching in and belting out The Greatest Love of All.

She was the pretty woman with the big smile....and the broken soul.  She was who so many of us wanted to be for so long.

bite of the day ~ She said it best...."Yes, Jesus loves me....". See you on the other side Ms. Houston.  Your struggle is over. 

thirtiesgirl

colors

I dreamed a dream....in vivid color I dreamed. 

In royal Purples, soft Yellows, pulsating Reds and yummy Greens, I dreamed. 

 I waded and flipped and rolled around  in my hazy vibrant dream. 

I dreamed a dream of LOVE. 

The floating in the clouds-while feet firmly planted-sinking deep into the earth-kind.  The lash to lash, iris to iris kind.  Breath to breath.  In-Ti-Ma-Cy.  He breathed into me and I gave life back to him.  He reached without hands and touched the depths of me...genuinely.  I reached back and he opened up to that soft mushy place.  That secret "I'm too much of a man to show you" space.  And I explored.  I looked.  I smelled.  I touched that place....the mushy place, gently I touched.  And he didn't close up nor shut down.  Didn't snatch nor push away.  He stood bravely, open and trusting....knowing I would never bring pain.  And even if I did, it was worth the touch, the sound, the feel of our hearts beating in rhythm.  Together.  One.  And I trusted that beat.  In his love, I was FREE.  Safe and Free.

Then I woke up.

Woke up to crumbly grays ashy blacks dusty blues....

and even reds....the mean kind.

I sighed a deep sigh....an indescribable longing in the pit of my center.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Then I remembered my dream...my vivid colored DREAM.

And I smiled.


bite of the day ~ Don't let go of The Dream.  It will live...if you believe. 

 
thirtiesgirl

that's what friends are for...

I had my whole evening planned.

After scurrying in from the cold, I would unwind with a bit of reading from my God's Calling book and Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible, then listen to something to empower my spirit further and calm my mind (it's a Pastor Winston night)....actually cook a nice complete meal....protein,  fresh veggies, colored starch (something I haven't done on the regular lately)....meanwhile fold the laundry in the dryer (oops still a little damp)...ok, dry the laundry still in the dryer then wash a load of whites while folding the first.  Enjoy my Christmas tree (FABULOUS! :-)) while eating and catching up on some re-runs of Criminal Minds (Shemar...yum!)  The rest of the night would be devoted to completing Episode Two of my web series (more on this later ...smile), which I started last week and have yet to return to.  Sooo stoked about finally getting some writing done when.....

The phone rings.

It rings in mid-chew of crunchy lettuce, peppers, tomato...and a close-up of Shemar.  Darn.  I left it charging in the kitchen.  After ring two and a lingering glance at the screen, I decided to run for it.  One of my best friends....since 6th grade best friend....exchange deep secrets best friend....quality not quantity best friend.....her name popped up on the caller id.  Split second decision.  If I pick up, the rest of my evening will be thrown off.  Toast.  Busted.  I NEED TO WRITE!  Sigh.

As quickly as those thoughts came, I also remembered this day is not about me.  My FRIEND is calling.  It may be important.  Then again it may not.  So I picked up.  It wasn't important. But after 15 minutes of trying to finish eating, lock eyes with Shemar AND listen to her, something dawned on me.  For over a year, she has listened to me, counselled me, empathized with me, prayed for me....me me me for over a year consistently.  And tonight, she just wanted to TALK.  So I turned off the television, put my plate away and gave my best friend since 6th grade my attention.  And when we hung up an hour and a half later with our I love yous and see you soon, I was glad I hadn't wasted my TIME.  Selah.

bite of the day ~ Give yourself away.

thirtiesgirl

just one of them days....

I'm taking an online empowerment class from an up and coming motivational speaker/life coach/author (Shanel Cooper Sykes)....Igniting Your G-Spot: 21 Days of Personal Fulfillment.  Um...get your mind right.  It's not quite how-to sessions on THAT KIND of personal fulfillment!  I'm sure the whole G-Spot thing....anyway!  It's really about giving and receiving all that God and life has to offer....and actively focusing on that through actions in the next 21 days.  Great concept, but I have to admit...I registered and logged on last night and tonight with lackluster enthusiasm.  It's not that I think the class is not going to be empowering and inspiring and all that it's designed to be. I've experienced her classes before, and it's all that and the pickle....or I wouldn't be wasting my TIME.  Trust.  I guess I feel a little...funky inside right now.  Which is why I'm forcing myself to take the class...regardless.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been in a bipolar-esque rollercoaster that only I can seem to see...at least I think so.  I can be completely content and grateful and positive one moment...and then the next, that nagging, haunting, dark feeling tries to ooze over me as I force a smile through it.  "Ride it out", I think to myself.  (I know I'm not the only one, right???)  Negative.  Irritated.  Frustrated.  FEELINGS.  Yes, of course I fight it.  I fight it by praying, talking to myself...out loud while walking down the street sometimes (yep, I'm sure they think I'm crazy)....I put on Winston, Dollar, Jakes, Copeland.....Franklin, Hammond, Haddon, Houghton.  This quiets the raging thoughts playing racketball in my head....for awhile.  Then the fight starts all over again.

And there's the others....thoughts and questions that wake me up in the night sometimes....

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?  

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MOVE FORWARD?   

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE NOW!?! 

Pressure.  And it's not that I don't know my purpose, my gifts. I resolved that much with God in my twenties.  And it's not necessarily that I don't know WHAT to do (I guess..sigh.).  But HOW?  Time is moving so fast. Living for the weekend? No.  I don't want the weekends to come this quickly.  Slide your leg out the bed on Monday morning...by the time your foot hits the floor, it's Friday.

I need time!  I need time to do all the things that I want to do.  Time to be who I want to be.  I need time to create....time to clean...time to organize...time to connect...time to read...time to pray...time to study...time to just BE.  time Time TIME! sigh. 

Yet, the time I have, I find myself just trying to gather the strength to stay sane...and saved.  Some days it's easier than others.  I guess today is just one of those days when it's not.  Tomorrow is another chance...another chance to get it right.  God help me.  

bite of the day ~ make TIME your friend, then master it...conquer it.  cause while we're trotting, it's travelling at the speed of LIFE. Selah.

thirtiesgirl

remembering Michael Jackson....

I remember it like yesterday.  I was on the train....on my way home.  Cell rang.  It was Tee.  She said "Did you hear Michael Jackson had a heart attack?"  I had not...and frankly, I didn't believe her.  It was just too.....unbelievable. Unfathomable.  Unreal.  Could not be real.  By the time I got home and turned on the news to confirm it was all just a bad joke....he was dead.  Confirmed dead.  I screamed at the television.  "Noooooo!!!!" It was all I could say.  Michael Jackson and DEAD? No place in my consciousness for that. 

Yes, of course...I know that eventually everyone dies...but some people are so "larger than life",  you almost expect them to be around forever.  And I'm not talking in the philosophical "he'll live on through his music" sense.  I mean a lot of us can't imagine some people i.e. stars, dying.  More evidence of deifying humans...putting regular folks (even SUPER talented ones) on pedestals...that they can't help but fall headlong off of simply because they are HUMAN.  They will disappoint eventually....either by being crackheads, cheaters who have babies outside of their marriages, liars, closet this & that or overall bad decision makers that put their very charmed lives in danger.

When Michael Jackson died, we mourned in our house for at least 6 months.  This included blastin' the History Album over and over, scouring the internet for rare interviews of MJ....spending hours on Saturdays watching said rare interviews, his music videos, and anything JACKSON (including his brothers' reality show)...and of course "schooling" our nieces and nephews that came to visit on MJ.  This meant they had to watch Thriller, whether they wanted to or not.

Our mourning was not because Michael Jackson THE KING OF POP died.  It was because Michael Jackson, our buddy who we had so many memories with...who was like family...had died.  And he left way too early.  The fact that they found his doctor guilty of causing his death today doesn't really do much for me.  MJ is still gone.  sigh. I guess this is how my parents felt when Marvin Gaye died....

bite of the day ~ He wasn't perfect, but he was ours.

thirtiesgirl