Now I see Why I Couldn't Go....

...to Europe for my birthday, that is.

For months, I tried to get up the motivation to plan...to celebrate.  It just wasn't happening.  Finally, I made a reluctant peace with "the ordinary"  a few weeks before the day came.  Then we found out about The Merge Summit in L.A.  Wasn't exactly excited because a conference type event, even with celebs...wasn't my idea of a birthday celebration.  But I agreed we, The Anointed Harvesters, needed to be there so I added it to the calendar with a lukewarm enthusiasm.  And although grateful for the gestures, gifts and presence of family and friends, right before the summit, I road through my birthday weekend activities not fully feeling the moments...pressing through that stupid numbness again.

As soon as we hit the opening night of the summit with Mali Music and Jonathan Butler...I felt something.  "This is different." In fact, shortly before entering, we met Pastor Toure' Roberts...someone who I had heard of but wasn't too familiar with.  Apparently he's on Rock Star status in that world. Who knew?  He said "This is your first time?  Your life will be changed after this event..it really will be."

yeah yeah yeah...sigh.

But you know what, session after session proved the words to be true.  Celebs like Common, Mikki Taylor from Essence Mag, Boris Kodjoe,  Nate Parker, Devon Franklin, Meagan Goode, Derek Luke...and so many others made one thing very clear.  The fulfillment of my destiny...of my purpose has absolutely NOTHING to do with me and my personal self-fullfillment.  But has EVERYTHING to do with fulfillment of what GOD purposed...His plan...His BIG PICTURE.  So my gifts, as they are discovered and developed and explored, are for The People...and not JUST for self fulfillment and expression.  A piece of a very intricate and uniquely constructed pie.

Today at the African Fest, we screened our stageplay The Falls during the Faith and Hollywood segment in the Film Pavilion.  I was introduced to an interesting woman who called herself a spiritual healer, intuitive and empath.  (Ummm...ok. **side eye**)  She asked my first name, which she spelled correctly without me telling her (RARE...) and began to tell me about myself....

"You like to...have to....have structure.  You like things a certain way..."

"You think people should know what you know...and you talk to them that way assuming they know.  And they don't know.  And you don't understand why they don't know...so it comes off as...being a "Know It All"...but you really don't mean any harm."

"You are very strong in finances....you are very strong creatively...and that creativity is going to make you a lot of money. You are very powerful."

"You can have addictive tendencies...whether to food, relationships or the type of men...."

"You are very good at playing devil's advocate...getting people to look at things from different angles"

"You are a leader....and if you are in a space and something is not being done correctly, by default you will take over."

Then she asked how did she do.  I just stood there, pondering, while my mother and friend stared at me with these big cheesy grins.  Not to say I agree with EVERY-THANG that she said (clears throat)...but I really have been in a space of self-reflection and analyzing...how I see and am seen.  My "branding".  And with that, honoring my 40 years of life, I've decided to go on a 40 day consecration of ME.  Mind, body, spirit, soul.

I started this blog in August 2009 as a place of expression, growth and relating.  I had just turned 35 and had no idea of the adventure ahead of me.  A year later, I prophesied...

"I feel a change coming....and at 36, I'm all for change.  Stay tuned....it's about to get interesting....:-)."

And did it ever!

Now, I prepare for yet more change....strapping on my safety belt and gripping the well worn cushioned bars for a new decade of life.  As long as The I AM is with me, I will ride out this next leg of my race fearlessly...purposely expecting more sunshine than rain, more pleasure than pain, more laughter than sorrow...more hope for my tomorrows.  

I'm 40.  Wow. :-)

bite of the day ~ Good-bye thirtiesgirl.  It's been real.  Look out for my new incarnation...COMING SOON. :-)

thirtiesgirl