paint lessons

We've been in our condo for nearly 6 years and amazingly, we still have not finished decorating the whole place!  The reasons? We pay cash for MOST things (including furniture)...and TIME/ENERGY (to complete a project)....which is the biggest hurdle.  So needless to say, I've been planning to paint the guest bedroom for years, but decided I'd better get to it before this Christmas since my in-laws were coming to spend the holiday with us.  Talk about crunch time!  

For some reason, green has become one of my favorite colors....not dark boring green or cheap looking neon green....but smooth cool green.   So to my love's horror, I found a color called asparagus months ago which I was SURE would be perfect!  But as I went to buy the paint last week, confident and determined to get it done, love kept reminding me "This is YOUR project.  If you mess it up, it's on YOU!"....I became a little nervous...and a bit indecisive.

As a result, I got another peek into my soul.  The big Revelation?  I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH RISK.  There!  I said it.  As creative and different and everything else that I think I am, I must admit, I like to play it safe.  I like to have a plan....not only a plan, but one that I am relatively positive will be successful.  Instability or the unknown?  Let's just say they don't take me to the happy place.

So there I was in Home Depot staring at the color palettes on the wall, practically shaking from cold feet like a nervous bride on her wedding day. Will asparagus green be too loud?  Can I actually paint this room myself?  What if it doesn't turn out right?  What if it's down right UGLY?  WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE!?!  Oh God!!!

After poring through the palettes...again, and going through the suggestions and tips on their trusty computer program....and asking a stranger her opinion....and getting help from the sales associate....I finally decided to grow some "balls" and go with my first mind.  I quickly ordered two cans of Asparagus Green and got the heck out of there before my doublemindedness (if that's a word...) kicked back in.

Thus far, I've only painted one coat and you know what?  It's doesn't look half bad.  As a matter of fact, I think it's going to turn out quite beautifully.  Even love said so.  Sigh (....of relief).  YEA!!! One decision down...a million to go!

bite of the day ~ Trust yourself.  Don't let fear of making a mistake stop you from trying something new or doing something different.

thirtiesgirl

good eatin'

The holidays are here...all too quickly, I might add!  And the good eatin' has officially begun.  This week alone I have three holiday lunches...and the official Christmas party at the job.  Of course, it's no longer called a "Christmas" party for all the conformers and politically correct folks in the world.  It's now the "Holiday Reception".  Whateva'!

Nevertheless, after my scrumptious Thanksgiving meal of  juicy garlicky Turkey (made by my very talented love),  Cornbread dressing, candied yams, mustard and turnip greens, mac and cheese, vanilla layered cake and cheesecake with whipped topping......the eating just seemed to continue.  So a thirtiesgirl like me has to find a way to enjoy all the festivities (I WILL NOT DEPRIVE MYSELF!!) without growing the gut or butt beyond repair.  So my health freak of a mamacita is always giving me little tips to keep the jiggle to a minimum and sickness at bay.  The most recent being CINNAMON and HONEY.

  This powerful duo is said to have crazy ridiculous health benefits like weight loss (apparently the mixture stops the body from accumulating fat...COULD THIS BE TRUE???), fights heart disease, hair loss, arthritis, yeast/bladder infections, indigestion and the lists goes on and on!

I've just added this to my regimen and I have high hopes. PLUS it is DELISH!  Smooth and sweet.  I simply boil water in a tea kettle, sprinkle some ground cinnamon in a large tea cup and pour the boiling water over it.  Then I add a nice tablespoon of honey and stir.  It's better than Hot Cocoa on a crispy cold night, I tell ya!  And if it does everything they say, I can definitely make this a permanent part of my life.  HALLELUJAH and pass the cheese! Just kidding.  Sigh.

bite of the day ~ Use Organic Cinnamon Powder and RAW Unheated Honey to get real benefits.  This combo can be consumed as a warm drink or taken straight from the spoon.  Enjoy! 

greatness

The other day, love and I visited a 3 story mansion called The Economy Shop where they hold special sales on antique and "gently used" items a couple times a month.  We LOVE going to places like this because you find little treasures that you won't find anywhere else.  I usually hit the book section (...my addiction)...and this shop had an especially nice selection.  I paid $8 for a delicious little collector's item called LEGENDS: Women Who Have Changed The World Through the Eyes of Great Women Writers.  Now I'm no feminist, but I believe in the power and equality of women.  I believe that God has a special purpose and plan for women besides popping out babies (...of course I want to be a baby popper too)...or being arm, leg, brain or any other kind of candy for a man.  All that to say, "the women" focus of the book is not what got me.  Audrey Hepburn, whom I love, on the cover was the initial draw, of course. :-) But this book, with its one page writings about 50 "extraordinary" PEOPLE...half of whom I knew little to nothing about, is continuing to open my eyes and raise questions in my soul.  What makes a person great?  What is the thread between all these women's stories?

I've never felt ordinary.  I desire to be great.  I believe I am.  Translating what's inside into something The World can see is usually the issue for most of us who feel this way.  Somehow Golda Meir and Oprah and Amelia Earhart and Frida Kahlo did it.  So as I read my new book, once again, I look for inspiration, wisdom and knowledge from those of the past and present.....those who walked through unchartered political, artistic, business and social territory to BECOME what was already inside.  I reach to learn more....and to be better.

bite of the day ~ BE GREAT. 

thirtiesgirl

another day...

The company I work for has recently gone high tech with internal job postings and benefit updates.  After jacking up my login twice and having to have it reset, I finally got into my personal page.  It has an ungodly amount of info on it.  I clicked on a tab that said "WORK".  It promptly reminded me that I've been with the company 10 YEARS 8 MONTHS and 9 DAYS.  Surely not!  How did I fall into this blackhole of a "9-5" life!?!  It was enough for me to want to run home and drown my sorrows in the last of the fattening homemade butter cookies I had tucked away in a zip-lock bag.  Now, I work for a great company...IF you want to work in corporate America and have a "normal" life....but for a lover of all things creative who never dreamed of working for someone else for the rest of her life, it feels like a slow torturous death at times.  I try to remind myself that my steps are ordered by God...I'm on assignment...there's a reason for everything....be GRATEFUL, etc etc blah blah blah.  But my God!  I can scream!  Today was one of those days.  I had to get out of the office...so I decided to walk to the bookstore.  Books...they are my addiction.  And forget that sleek electronic crap!  I love the feel of the page, the color on the cover, the various cuts of the paper...I love the smell of books.  Needless to say, going to any place that has the written word always lifts my spirits.  And today, I found a gem!  The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. 

 It literally called to me from the shelf!  It was like God was saying "the ball has BEEN in your court.  What you gonna do, girl?"  The few pages I read basically talked about maximizing your life NOW...not waiting until retirement or until you have some miraculous windfall of money before you start really living and having fulfillment EVERY DAY.  The power of books.  The power of words.  It was like a shot of sunshine on a dreary day.  After all that, can you believe that I didn't buy the book! lol!  Something said, "Wait."  Guess it was God because when I looked it up online later, a new expanded addition was just finished. So I'll be running out to get the new and improved version.  Once again, Evidence.  My steps really are ordered.  

bite of the day ~ Take inspiration where ever you can find it and use it to boost you to the next level of life.  Don't wait another day!  Pursue life NOW.  

thirtiesgirl

grandma

All this week you were on my mind.  I kept telling myself "you need to call your granny".  Kept saying "I'll do it today...on my lunch break".  Said it even yesterday.  I never did.  And now, I never will.

You are strong.  You are complicated.  You were fierce before anyone knew what it meant.  And you are my last....were my last GRAND-parent on this side.  Everyone always said I look just like you.  Loved the pic of you and grandpa in the "Cotton Club" days....sharp as ever.  Young and vibrant.  Years ahead of you.  Hard years. 

I remember the visits when it was just you and I....lounging in our jammies all day...talking and eating and laughing and fussing.  I remember you visiting me in college.  Still got one or two of those towels you bought ...and the small Native American purse (that's seen better days)....and the nail kit....and the....memories.  I remember when I finally got to hear you sing.  Remember the surprise solo in church....the operatic voice that came out of you!  I was shocked.  You had told me over and over again the stories, the regrets, the missed chances of your younger days, usually due to some "evil" person that was holding you back.  Maybe I didn't think they were true.  I remember out of all the rooms and beds in your house, I always wanted to sleep with you.  And we would talk way past our bedtime.  And I felt safe.

I'll miss your laugh.  The way you held out your few choice cuss words (Shiiiiiitttttttt). I smile.  Even as the tears come and the regret for missing that one last opportunity to say "I love you Grandma"...and to actually hear you say it back.  I will never forget our days.  I am grateful that I had you to myself..a lot back then.  But now,  I can force myself to be happy that you no longer suffer under doctors practicing, probing machines....and a body that just couldn't hold you anymore.

I love you deeply.  You are free.

bite of the day ~ NEVER ignore that small still inner voice.  God may be giving you a chance that will only come once.

thirtiesgirl 

good hair

Ever since love and I went to see Chris Rock's documentary on black hair this past weekend, I have been ultra sensitive to the subject.  Not in a defensive way, but I'm very aware of my surroundings.  I'm already naturally analytical, so the film just kicked me into overdrive.  We stopped at the grocery store right after seeing it and we both were checking out heads.  "That's hers."  "Nah...that's a weave.  A bad one." "Is that Malaysian like Viviva Foxx wears?"  Of course WE don't know what Foxx wears but the dude with the flowing perm in the film seemed to be familiar with the details of her head.

The most disturbing scene was when Rock tried to sell "black" i.e. NAPPY hair to the very Asian shops that thrive in African-American communities.  NEWS FLASH!!!:  No one wanted the nappy hair.  Including the young black woman with the braided extensions that worked in one of the shops.  She actually looked like she was proud to "school" Chris on why the black hair was undesirable.

What I wished the film would have dealt a bit more with was the underlying psychological and spiritual reasons why Black women would pay boatloads of money that many of them don't have to attach someone elses hair to their head.  And why a good majority of black women, starting at a very early age, hate their own hair so much that they turn to extremely harmful and dangerous chemicals to straighten it...in the name of style and the big one...MANAGEABILITY.  But who defines what's stylish or manageable?

For the majority of my life, I was one of these women.  I never did the weave...except the piece I added to my fingerwaved jheri curl in the 11th grade for prom....but that's a whole other story. sigh.

It has been almost 2 years since I had a relaxer and I feel FREE!  I have FINALLY accepted my natural beauty.  I wanted to transition years ago, but I was still too concerned about what others would think.  Concerned that I wouldn't be "cute" anymore.  I wasn't ready.  When I finally was, people told me I was "brave".  Wow. 

I discovered my hair is as versatile as ever!  If I want to wear it bone straight, I still can.  If I want a fro, twists, waves...I can do anything! 

But still...I have to admit, on Monday morning (a wash n go afro day) when the construction guys, who usually vie for my attention just to get a flash of this big smile and a wave, COMPLETELY overlooked me for the weaved-up sista walking a few steps ahead of me, I felt a brief burn in my chest...mourning for my long relaxed locks and the attention they used to bring me.  And mine were "real".  This society is jacked...and it jacked me.  Sigh.

bite of the day ~ If you find your worth in anything that is not naturally you, take a peek inside and seek to rid yourself of the lies that challenge your value and unique beauty.  You are a Queen, not BECAUSE OF your hair but REGARDLESS of it. Selah.

thirtiesgirl

angry men

A brotherNfriend of mine was "jumped" by 20+ guys outside of a nightclub this week. Why?  liquor. women. misunderstanding. foolishness. pride. 

The high of a watching crowd. Devils. Demons. They don't call the strong stuff "spirits" for nothin'.  And this was no hole in the wall.  Supposed to be civilized folks far removed from the hood.

What makes a man...a grown man... angry enough to put his hands, his fists, his foot on another?  Losing your temper to this point is a sign of weakness.  Bringing your boys along for the ride....COWARD should be tattooed across the eyelids.  Fake punkS. 

I went to see my brotherNfriend today....knowing he wasn't 100% in the right, but definitely didn't deserve to have to defend himself against a gang of angry men.  Had to lay eyes on him to make sure the aloe vera and vitamin E I brought was strong enough medicine.  Had to make sure he wasn't torn to pieces...guts bursting at the seams....head smashed in like the baby from Fenger High. When I got off the elevator...I heard a door opening...and there he stood.  Gauze on half of his forehead, a fixin' on one broke finger....scratches...puffy...but ALIVE.  And strong.  Talking, walking, seeing, hearing.  A miracle.

The angels had to block the majority of those blows. sigh.

bite of the day ~ GOD LIVES.  Now live for Him. 

thirtiesgirl